Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bring in the concrete

We're going to need lots and lots of concrete for paving purposes here. 'Cause my road to hell is gonna be really smooth--I've got good intentions coming out the wazoo.
I guess Haiti is partly responsible for getting me thinking, but my feelings of boredom today didn't help. I couldn't figure out what to do, so I went shopping. And it really bothered me. It's not like my baby couldn't use some more (very cheap and well-deliberated with plenty of guilt) clothes. It just seems like I could use my time so much better. Yes, I needed to get out of the house. But I'm just tired of the banality of it all. Isn't there more I could do to make a difference in the world, in the lives of my children, than buying cute little stripey girl shirts?
True, opportunities to make a difference are limited when there are three little demanding kids running around. I can't take them everywhere. They won't sit quietly while I bake bread or visit people. They enjoy beating on small animals. They get bored and whine about nothing every day. So yeah, it's a challenge. And yes, I'm making a difference by raising my children. Blah, blah, blah. I've heard it before. I know it's true.
But it's not enough. There has to be something else I can do.
I just don't know where to start.
There has to be something where I can bring my children, where they can see what really matters, where I can get out of the house, where I can contribute. Because I think if I hear my kids whine because it's not fair that they only got three granola bars that day, I'm going to strangle them. I don't think that would serve anyone, would it?


Anonymous said...

Thnk about this: you wrote a book while your children were sleeping, you are raising three children under six, one of whom is very challenging, and you are positive and patient with him 99% of the time; you are a published author who has successfully networked with many of the local Y/A writers in your area, you have maintained your skill in music at a level where you qualify to be in a flute choir that was invited to play at temple square, and you are currently working through some other stuff. And you think you aren't making a positive contribution in the world? I think it's the groundhog day blues. You're entitled. This too shall pass. Remember how much your mother loves you!

Kasie West said...

I hear you. It's hard to raise children who can think outside themselves and not feel entitled. I often feel the same way with my children. "I'm not fair" is probably the most commonly heard phrase in our home. But children, by nature are selfish beings. They don't quite get that "the world doesn't revolve around me" thing. So I just have to think that if they see me serving and helping others that one day they will grow into adults that care and want to serve. That's how it was with me. I saw my mom serve and so now I want to.