Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I'm a rule breaker

I forgot how to be a writer, so I went to wikihow to see if they've got it figured out.
Now I know why I haven't hit the big time yet! I haven't been following their rules.
1. Consider the options. That's right, not everyone can write the next Harry Potter. What's that you say? Scamming on Craig's list Copywriting is in demand all over the internet? Silly me. I've been way too focused on achieving the impossible dream.
2. Plan using logic and desire. Oh, right, the back-up plan. Yup, I guess I'll have to abandon my five-year starvation plan.
3. Think about what you want to write, instead of what you want to get from writing. Agent queries? Forget 'em. Elevator pitch? Who needs it? Deadlines? Toss 'em in the recycling bin. It's all about you and what you want, baby.
4. Be prepared to work odd hours -- you'll need to write whenever ideas strike, even if it's the middle of the night.You know, it's a good thing I've got three kids to wake me up at 3 am. Otherwise, I might miss out on the millions of great ideas that cross my brain when I'm too tired to remember my own name.
5. Find what works for you and stick with it.You know that million dollar advance I've been waiting for in the mail? Yeah, that works for me. Good plan. I'll be sure to stick with that from here on out.
6. Know that writer’s block is a real thing. Thanks for clearing that one up. All this time, I thought it was a Fig Newton of my imagination. Mmm, Fig Newtons. I need a snack.
7. Take a break to refresh your mind. Man, I was totally set to spend eight hours in front of the computer today until this rule came along. I wasn't going to do any laundry, weeding, dishes, or mopping. No sir. If my babies play in the street, so be it. No time away from the screen for me.
No wonder my agent hasn't called. He wants me to take a break.
8. Use dreams to assist with ideas. After all, wiki reminds us, the entire Twilight series was based on a dream. Huh. Which dream should I use? The one where I oversleep and don't get any laundry done, or the one where the axe murderers invade my house again?


KarenG said...

This is why I read blogs instead of reading lame how-to articles with a lot of regurgitated obvious *advice.*

Christie said...

You are hilarious...and such a rebel! :)

Tracy said...

Thank you for that. I so needed a good laugh. Wiki should NEVER be trusted for anything ... like, ever.

Aubrie said...

Wiki always has answers for everything, but you have to remember that it's just other people putting them in there. And the wriitng journey is different for everyone.

Kaylie said...

KarenG--I think blogs and writing books are better sources of info, too. But I wanted something to make fun of.
Christie--Yeah, I know it. Like today when I didn't do the ironing.
Tracy--What do you mean? I always use Wiki as a primary source for research.
Aubrie--You're right. I think the article was intended for beginners, who'd probably find it more helpful than I did.

Mark said...

After much careful research on the interwebs, I'm still trying to figure out if I should Write What You Know or Write What You Want To Know.

I've decided to just write about post-apocalyptic weredonkeys with laser eyes instead.

Talli Roland said...

Ha! Great 'advice' - gotta love Wiki!

Angie Paxton said...

Umm, I think perhaps that the only thing the person that wrote this article ever wrote was well, this article. Not helpful, but good for a laugh.

Kaylie said...

Mark--definitely go for the weredonkeys.
Talli--psychics? financial advisors? shrinks? Who needs 'em when you've got Wiki?
Angie--You mean it wasn't JK Rowling's work?