I took the evening off, actually. Just a couple of hours. I told Mark that I was going crazy. I knew I was because my first activity when he took over was creating imaginary fights with him. I couldn't imagine that someone else besides me could even be capable of supervising my children without disaster. My first hallucination was that Kyle escaped when Mark wasn't watching closely enough, climbed the stairs, fell down all of them, and got brain damage. I realized soon enough that I had only created this scenario in my overworked brain, so I decided to be more rational for the next fifteen minutes.
Then it was time to imagine more catastrophes. It grew dark and I realized I hadn't had dinner yet, and neither had the children. Oh, poor starving babies, poor starving me. Mark, in my imagination, wasn't doing anything about dinner at all. I ran through the house to check out the dinner situation. But there was no husband and no children anywhere. So I scrounged a piece of bread from the fridge and went downstairs to watch TV. Whoa! How's that for a colossal time-waster? Just think of all the useful things I could have been rushing around doing! I saw a pile of laundry sitting on the dryer and I had to slap my hands to keep them from putting those clothes away.
Mark and Liam came home. Kyle was already asleep in his crib, so quiet I didn't even know he was there. Mark had brought take-out for the two of us and he also warmed up chicken nuggets for Liam. We ate, while, predictably, I felt guilty about taking time off and spending money on take-out (Validation intervention: You go, mama! You're doing a great job!).
So maybe I'll take the rest of the evening to watch more dumb TV shows which keep me from making up things to fight about with my husband. He can handle watching the kids--they're asleep. The laundry and dishes will still be there tomorrow (Oh, no! That's what I'm afraid of. Deep breaths. Great job.). Tomorrow, though, I'll do some more Mama stuff. This time off stuff just wears me out.
2 comments:
You, my friend, are so refreshingly honest that I have to laugh! I have loved catching up on your life being a mom and agree with every single thing you are saying...except one: your breastfeeding post on why you are skinny. See, I breastfed my daughter until she was 15 months old (and I was tired of the games you mentioned), but still I could not lose a pound! In fact, I don't lose weight until I STOP breastfeeding. Weird huh. But, like you said, you deserve to be skinny too! Breastfeeding is not easy on moms and if I were to be honest, it is not something I enjoy at all.
Anyway, I am sorry you did not enjoy your night off because you were making up imaginary fights with Mark and imagining all the worst-case scenarios. I am the same way. Guilt is a permanent emotions for us mamas. When are we going to get over it? I don't know!!!
I am excited to read more...keep 'em coming girl!
A night off...what's that? The thing that bothers me the most is that I cart 2 kids EVERYWHERE all of the time and I feel so absolutely guilty if I even leave them with Jason for even an hour. I know he is working 2 full time jobs and is so busy, but hey, he's their dad and I rarely leave the kids with him or ask him to help much and I'm working full time too...day and night. Your blogs aren't good for me....they give me a place and an outlet to actually vent a little. But, I guess that is good to do too. The funny thing is that I do the same thing creating imaginary arguments and defenses in preparation for when he gets home and things may be amiss. I love your blogs!
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