Wednesday, January 9, 2008

SAHM wanted

Job opening available for SAHM, starts immediately. No experience necessary, but it sure helps.
Here are some benefits for this job.
Wages. You will earn $0.00 per hour. This rate doubles upon completion of training (pregnancy), and triples for overtime.
Company car. If you have a car, you will certainly have company whenever you drive it.
Sick days. There will be plenty of days when you, a child, or a spouse will be sick. Or maybe everyone at once.
Travel. Yes, you will travel. To the grocery store, to school, to Wendy's, to the grocery store...
15-minute breaks. Within a 15-minute time span, your children will break your glasses, their sibling's toys, your 100-year-old prized heirloom, and the DVD you rented for the weekend.
Casual attire. Not only can you wear jeans every day, but your clothes can be covered in baby spit, non-washable marker, and yesterday's lunch, and no one will even care.
Promotions. Once you've learned to handle one child, you will most likely earn more responsibility by getting another one (or two or three) to take care of. The next child, of course, will be completely different in temperament than the first.
Short meetings. Whenever you try to lecture or explain something to your child, you'll be happy if you can finish a sentence before they scream, drop something, or take off to another room.
Health plan. Plan to spend half your days from October through April waiting in a doctor's office.

Job qualifications.
1) Somehow bring in enough money between you and your spouse (while not otherwise formally employed) to keep starvation at bay while you take care of the little ones.
2) Keep busy enough at home that you'll want to leave juggling to the circus clowns.
3) Be crazy enough in love with your children that you can't bear the thought of giving their waking moments to anyone else.

1 comment:

Sara & Company said...

Tee hee hee. I especially love the wardrobe. Lets just say that not being able to change out of my grungies that were completely covered in Adri's runny nose, paint, food, and the popsicles we made until 2 minutes before I had to have a dinner to a neighbor never felt better or more refreshing. I guess you have to live in the thick of it to truly appreciate the pretty dirty but presentable blue jeans and a shirt that stayed clean for all of about 10 seconds. That was darling, Kaylie!