Two Liam quotes

Liam: Mom, is my nose bleeding?

Me: No, why, did you pick it?

Liam: Yes, but I hardly ever pick my nose anymore. I'm down to 10 times a day.


Me: singing loudly

Liam: Mom, that's embarrassing.

Me: Liam, you're too young to be embarrassed by your mother.

Liam: I'm four and a half!

Kyle, the sit-down comedian

Lately, Liam started telling knock-knock jokes. And of course Kyle wanted to get in on it.

Today's brag

I got rejected again last week. It was a follow-up to a query I'd already sent out. Most of the letters or emails I get from agents are very polite and encouraging, saying they're too busy to take on new clients right now. I don't know if it's because they like me or because they're extra-polite Canadians. This particular agent was the second one to tell me I might do better querying American agents rather than Canadian ones. Interesting--I'd thought the opposite since my novel is intended for a Canadian audience. They're agents. They probably know what they're talking about. Maybe I should listen to their advice.

I'm querying some American agents now. And I'm changing my approach in a few other ways, since I've learned a few things. I've found agents from books I enjoy and researched them thoroughly. I wasn't a slap-dash, carbon-copy-to-any-old-agent writer before, but I could still have done better.

Before submitting this time (to an agent found through online research), I'd already read three of the books he represented. But they were all from the same author, so I read three others (all by different authors), found the similarities between those books and mine, and mentioned those similarities in my query.

I've read enough how-to-write books that I held no illusions about being rejected. So I wasn't (terribly) disappointed, and my self-esteem wasn't crushed. I've learned some stuff, so now I really can get published! Soon, now, or yesterday would be good.

Hop Humbug

I am breaking my eleven-day blog silence with an important announcement: I hate sugar.

Last night, Liam suddenly remembered that last year, the "Easter Egg Bunny" came to our house and hid some eggs. He wondered if the "Easter Egg Bunny" would come again. Of course, we couldn't bear to wreck his happy-candy chicky bunny fat-filled Easter tradition, so Mr. Bunny came. He brought 24 eggs, all filled with candy. This was after the egg hunt at church, from which Liam and his brother also received several other plastic-filled eggs.

So now there is candy all over our house. I made the mistake of looking at the nutrition label on the back of one of the packages. One serving has 60% of an adult's saturated fat per serving. They measure their servings by weight, and I haven't yet applied the long division to find out how many candies are in a serving because I just don't want to know.

I had the same problem at Christmas. I don't mind a little candy in their stockings, but there is a such thing as too much. That's why we still have Christmas candy sitting on our storage shelves.

Many people think it's important to establish holiday traditions such as baking cookies, Easter candy, and Christmas candy so that the kids have happy holiday memories. I'm glad for their little memories. My memories of this time will include prying the kids off the ceiling after all their sugar consumption and barricading myself in my room so I don't have to listen to them whine for still more sugar.

Next year, we're going to buy a lot less candy. Maybe we can "forget" about Easter egg hunts, at least the ones that result in them carrying home their weight in candy. Why do all the major holidays have to revolve around sugar?

Maybe next year, I'll tell Liam the Easter bunny died. It could happen. I'm in the mood to kill a certain happy little rabbit right now, and I'll bet lots of other parents are, too. Just call me Elmer Fudd. "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit..."

All boxed in

Reasons I write

Revision. I've played lots and lots of musical gigs. I love music, I really do, but it has one disadvantage. You can't take it back! You can become a hermit who does nothing but practice (which appeals some days), but then, when you've got an audience, your performance could be totally different than what you've practiced. You can't ask your Carnegie Hall audience if you can redo just that last teensy-weensy little phrase.
But when you write, you can change anything. Cut and paste! Add! Insert! Delete! You can even stare at the computer screen for hours in silence and no one will complain.

Silence. After hearing kids yell at me all day long, I don't want a piccolo ringing in my ears. If I want to induce deafness, I can hold Kyle up to my ear after Liam swipes his toy. Sometimes the click-clack of computer keys is more soothing than the pitter-patter of little feet.

Power. My characters are much more obedient than my children. I can make them do anything they want. Of course, sometimes they don't want to, but they sit there and wait patiently on my hard drive until I tell them what to do next.

Gotta. There's a part of me that can't help it. There have been stretches in my life when I haven't written much, but I've always had a writer's brain. For example, ever since I was a child, when someone said something, I'd always picture their words in quotation marks and add "he said" or "she said" in my mind.

Revenge. Besides becoming rich and famous and sticking it to the mean kids, I can change their names and do anything to them I want. Like adding facial hair in choice places. Or stapling "kick me" signs to their butts. Or throwing them into a heap of maggot-infested roadkill. Ah, what fun.

Therapy. Writing is exposure therapy for me--I can revisit happy or icky things in my past and deal with them all over again. And it's even better because I write fiction, so I can write about it however I want. I can exaggerate or (gasp) lie. I can wallow all I want. The reader doesn't know whether or not someone pulled down my pants at school because it's a novel, and I'm not telling.

Two birds with one stone

Today, Liam came in the house nearly bursting out of his new $4.80 KMart jeans because he had seen the first robin of spring. I wondered if he really knew what he was talking about, so I quizzed him. Liam assured me that, indeed, this little red-breasted bird had been hanging out in our backyard.

"He talked to me," Liam said.

"What did he say?"

"He told me to bring my sprinkler and my doll in the house, and I thought I'd better listen to what the birdie said, so I did it. I brought them inside."

Indeed he did. It brings new meaning to the phrase "a little birdie told me", doesn't it?

Budgeting for the real world

Nobody make fun of these ideas. I've been openly mocking budgeting ideas I've heard from real people, web sites, and books, so please don't laugh because nothing is more bitter than tasting my own medicine.

Here are some things I do to save money. Most of my lovely readers probably know more than I do about saving, but I thought I'd share some tips just in case. Feel free to comment and add your own tips, 'cause I'm always looking for ideas.

Food. I'm not as zealous about saving money on groceries as some people are. I like to eat. And I admit, I shop hungry and buy unnecessary snacks (except for ice cream, which is vital as one of the major food groups and also gives me fruit and dairy) because I schedule grocery trips around the kids and not my tummy. I'm also not a big coupon clipper. Often the coupons are for prepackaged stuff I won't eat, and often the store brand is cheaper than the name-brand coupon price. I just try to plan meals from whatever's on sale at the stores. I buy the huge bargains in large quantities when I can. That's just common sense, I suppose. I was really excited, though, last week when I got name-brand toothpaste for 50 cents by combining a grocery store sale with a coupon. Also, I make my own syrup and pizza crusts (but not my own pasta like my neighbor).

Cleaning. You don't need to buy all the silly commercial cleaners. They (see? Procter and Gamble really is satanic) tell you that you need one chemical for the toilet, one for the sink, one for the shower, one for the floor, one for the mirror... and that's just the bathroom! If you have some baking soda and some vinegar, you can clean just about anything. Check out http://www.doityourself.com/stry/vinegarbakingsoda, and there are plenty more web sites, too. It's easier on the budget, and it's better for the environment, and it's safer for kids and pets.

Decorating. I've been really surprised by what I find at dollar stores, thrift stores, secondhand stores, and yard sales. I've also learned that if you can't find a color you like, you can paint it (or dye it). Acrylic paint is very cheap. I think I've painted five of the picture frames in our house. One of them came with a scripture mounted on a burgundy and forest green layered picture mat. I threw it away, so there's my confession for the week. I threw a scripture in the garbage. Right size, right price, wrong color.

Saving. Besides paying yourself first (or, if you're more ambitious than me, automatically), one of the easiest ways to save money is to get an online savings account. Our interest rate is now about six times higher than it used to be.

Taxes. If you get a tax refund, you're giving the government an interest-free loan, which means you're losing money after inflation. I know some people like to get a big refund so they can save it, which is better than not saving at all, but there's a price for that. Take the maximum number of exemptions you can.

Silly little tricks. I've read about people who round their account balances down (or round their purchases up) so they have more money in their accounts than they think they do. They then spend less. Every year or so, they save the excess. Mark gets $5 for his travel budget whenever he exercises. $5 here and there doesn't seem like much at all, but it adds up over time.

Laughing yet? This is harder than it seems. I think it takes some skills to find bargains and to know which purchases can be postponed (and which cannot). I hope everyone will comment so I can get new ideas!

Last beginning?

I was about 35 pages into my second book when I decided the plot just wasn't going to work the way I was writing it. So that means overhaul. All I have to do is blow it up, pick up the pieces, cut and paste, and then add something else brilliant until the remnants create something more beautiful than what I began with.

It will be worthwhile, I tell myself. It will make more sense and be easier to write once the pieces come together. But even if I keep most of what I've already written and use it in the middle or the end, I still have to change what I've got. I won't, for example, need to introduce my characters at the end.

In some ways, it will become easier. I won't be as clueless about what will happen as I was for the first book. This, however, makes what I think is the seventh time I've started the book. Beginnings. I never knew they could be so hard. I know writing is all about revision. I don't mind that. But I hope this is the last beginning.

"This morning I took out a comma, and this afternoon I put it back again." Oscar Wilde