I used to say pregnancy was the best excuse for everything. You can beg off almost any errand or responsibility by saying you just don't feel up to it. But you know, having a few kiddos around makes it easy not to have to do stuff, too.
It didn't start out that way. At first, kids were the reason I couldn't do anything. And really, it's true. No, I can't help you move. I'm kinda busy scraping baby food off the walls and floor. But then I got so used to not being able to do anything that I forgot that I ever could.
Let's take conversation, for example. There was a time, in my pre-pregnancy days, when if I said something stupid or didn't say anything when I really should have, I didn't have anyone else to blame. Then kids came along and I couldn't get more than five words out of my mouth before I had to feed baby/change baby/break up fight/scrape kids off the walls and floor. I would just sigh (because sometimes I really wanted to hear what people were saying) and go take the knife away from the two-year-old fingers around it.
Most of the time, that's how it really is. I'm too busy with Heimlich prevention to comment on what other people are saying, or else my brain is too fried to think of something to say. Like if someone in my writing group has their book reappear on the bookstore shelf, multi-syllabic words like "congratulations" elude me.
Don't worry about it, I tell myself. It's just mommy brain. It will go away eventually.
But what if it doesn't?
Sometimes, let's face it, I do silly things. Eventually, all the kids will be in school and I'll have all the time in the world. Will I finally be able to write tons of articles and novels, or will I see clearly just how much I procrastinate? When the kids move out of the house, will it really be cleaner or will I see just how much of the mess is mine? When I don't have to worry about being home in time to put the kids in bed, will I have friends again or will I discover that my anti-social tendencies are just part of who I am?
So I guess my message to myself is to enjoy my life, and not to use my kids as an excuse to be a bum. Maybe I'll blog some more about that later. After I feed the baby.