Plagiarized post

This post came from http://www.reallifesupportformoms.com/. Enjoy!

Surely, for some women, being a stay-at-home mother is an entirely magnificent, totally blissful, always fulfilling, happily-ever-after dream come true.I’m not one of those women—and that’s okay.In my now seven-plus years as a stay-at-home mom, I know I’m not alone in having mixed feelings about having left the paid workforce to be a 24/7 at-home parent to my children. From time to time, most all women doing the job (and stay-at-home motherhood is a job) struggle with the challenges of this kind of in-the-trenches motherhood.Round-the-clock parenting often has as many downs as ups. The constant demands that come from being the sole adult charged with the care of little minds and bodies (and the surroundings in which they exist) involves a daily routine that many stay-at-home moms need both skill and fortitude to survive. As with any job, we have moments of feeling overwhelmed, overworked, unappreciated, and under-compensated. And all that’s before the 9 am start of the traditional workday.For a woman who, before motherhood, had a job she enjoyed, experienced career success, lived independently, and had an active social life, setting all that aside for stay-at-home motherhood can be a mixed blessing. It’s wonderful for a mother to be able to devote herself to the full-time care of her family—without the distractions, stresses, and demands of an office or workplace. It’s wonderful for a child to be raised under the constant care of a parent instead of a nanny, sitter, au pair, daycare staff, or afterschool program—or any of the other childcare solutions that parents need to piece together in order to earn an income. In a nation where two incomes are often essential to a family’s well-being, and where single parents need a job in order to pay and keep up with the bills, stay-at-home mothers are often told how lucky they are “not to work.”I know I’m lucky that my family has been able to live securely for several years with only one income, but being a stay-at-home mother is nothing but work! The surprise for many women who spend their days caring for children without end is that they work as many, if not more, hours than they did at a “real” job. The initial relief from the pressures of paid employment are often replaced by the demands of our stay-at-home reality.But putting aside professional skills and independence to fill sippy cups and push swings ican be tough on a woman’s sense of self. And although a stay-at-home mother is never without something to do, the day can drag, and entire weeks can feel empty of adult company or personal fulfillment. Then, in the rare instance you get to mingle among grown-ups without kids clinging to you, someone asks you what you do, and you struggle between saying, “I’m a stay-at-home mom . . .” or “Well, I used to be . . .” or some tortured combination thereof. It can make you want to cry.My advice. Don’t sugarcoat, sentimentalize, or reduce to slapstick the realities of stay-at-home motherhood.For those of us who have good days and bad, who sometimes absolutely adore and appreciate being home with our kids and sometimes can’t stand it, parenting books and magazine articles in which the author and interviewees gush about their love of being a mom and surrendering to motherhood just don’t jibe with all the realities. Ditto those who joke about the sleepless nights and messy minivans and days without showering—but, alas, each quip or complaint is couched by an “I wouldn’t change it for the world” sentiment. For the woman whose every mothering moment isn’t a greeting card moment, such rosy pictures can actually be demoralizing: “I don’t like playing peek-a-boo and going to the park every day. I don’t like being at the beck and call of someone else’s moods and needs. Sometimes I don’t want to be around my kids. I must be a terrible mom.”You’re not a terrible mom. You’re a typical mom.So hang in there! Even though you may be alone in your house right now with [fill in the applicable number] child(ren) crying, hanging on you, and demanding your immediate attention, you are not alone. Even though you may feel you’re flying a solo mission, you aren’t, especially when it comes to your conflicted feelings:
10 am: “I’m so happy I’m home!”11 am: “What was I thinking?Noon: “Being a stay-at-home mother is [fill in an adjective here]!”It’s okay to not always love being a stay-at-home mom. Women often fear that admitting as much is tantamount to saying to the world and themselves that we regret not being part of the paid workforce.The reality is, sometimes, some of us do regret leaving careers, or wish for something more. That’s normal. That’s healthy. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It doesn’t mean we’d make a different choice if we had a do-over. It definitely doesn’t mean we’re bad mothers, or that we’re not doing a good job. Some days at work are wonderful. Some days are nightmares. Few people love their job every minute of the day. The same goes for the job of being a stay-at-home mom.

Labels: stay-at-home moms

Stir-crazy much?

Here are the top ten signs you need to get out more:
1. You put on lipstick to take out the garbage.
2. KFC is exotic fare.
3. A relative gives you some money to spend on yourself, so you head to the dollar store.
4. Your idea of going out is to stand on the doorstep so you can yell at your kids to come in for dinner.
5. You've maxed out your credit card on library fines.
6. When deciding whether or not to change your clothes, you use the five-stain rule.
7. You're on a first name basis with the Domino's guy.
8. You've worn a hole through the butt of your pajamas.
9. Your husband has to attend a seminar on the eating habits of Tasmanian cockroaches, and you beg to come along.
10. You can run a comb through your leg hair.

Jealous!

Two things happened recently which gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. The first one was in church. Some of the young women leaders were talking about their recent trip to girls' camp. These leaders have small children, I knew, and camp was about four days long. I don't know whether they were there the whole time or not, but they were at least there for most of it. I couldn't really listen to what they were saying because the whole time, I was thinking, Four days without the children?

Then I went to my niece's birthday party. My SIL just moved to a new house, which is a little bigger than ours. And again, I had this funny feeling. I knew it wasn't the house. I don't want to move right now, and I'm not coveting her house (except for maybe the closet organizers. Oh, I would love to have closet organizers).

It took me about an hour of talking about it out loud with Mark before I figured it out. "Do you want to leave the children for four days?" "No!" I said, because I really don't, not while baby is so little. "Do you want a bigger house?" "No!" I said, because then I'd have to clean it. Here's what they have in common: these ladies, though they have small families, figured out what they wanted and then did what they had to do to get it. It was important for these leaders to accompany these girls to camp, even though they'd have to leave their families for a while. It was important to my SIL for her family to grow up in a better house. And so, somehow, that's what they did.

And that's where I have trouble. Not only do I sometimes not go after what I want, I even feel guilty about wanting it. Sometimes I don't even know what I want anymore. So Mark and I had a long talk about what I want. I'm still not sure how to go about getting those things, because whenever you want something, there's usually some kind of sacrifice you have to make to get it. But seeing these ladies who went after what they wanted made me ache inside because of something I've been denying myself: the idea of possibility.

SAHM Bill of Rights

1. I am their mother, not their slave. Serving my children also means teaching them how to serve.
2. I have the right to burn, tear up, incinerate, shred, or stomp on my to-do list.
3. I have the right to ignore or even leave my children occasionally to teach them that Mommy has a life.
4. I can talk to myself all I like. Since I get so few compliments, I am entitled to congratulate myself out loud if I want to.
5. I am aware that my children will watch what I do. I will affect how my boys will treat their wives and how my girls will mother their own children. Therefore, I have the right to be a whole and happy person.
6. With the possible exceptions of stinky diapers and bleeding children, I have the right not to do a particular household job right now if I don't want to.
7. I have the right to choose my own priorities. And if my priority is to take a nap, blog, or call a friend, the laundry can wait.
8. I have the right to have interests other than house, home, and family.
9. I have the right to a messy house. It is not a reflection on my character, which means I also have the right not to apologize for said messy house.
10. Childhood does not wait, but dishes do. I can play Monopoly with my children and the dishes will still be there when I'm done.

Mormonism, Canadiana, and literature

I've been thinking about these three things lately, since they are all part of me. Here are two questions I haven't found an answer for: Can the great Mormon novel be written, and can the great Canadian novel be written (and don't be cute and tell me I'll write one or both)?

Some people, as in this column I read recently, think the great Mormon novel is impossible because Mormons are too involved with their own religion to write anything other than self-promotion. http://www.mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/jerry_johnston/?id=9119 I'm not sure about that. I don't think doubt is the only kind of conflict that can produce greatness. But certainly, Mormon greatness is lacking on the literary front.

I've noticed, however, that the same is true of Canadian literature. Oh, come now, Canadians, we know there is some really good stuff written by Canadians (I read some of it in my high school English class). There's no denying Margaret Atwood has talent, for example. But world class literature that can hold rank with Tolstoy, Shakespeare, Hemingway...we're still mostly working on it. And in the case of Canadiana, you don't have any prohibitions against indulging in evil or dabbling in doubt.

So, here are three reasons that both Mormons and Canadians lag behind in literature:

1. Small population
2. Short history
3. Self-consciousness

1. Small population. I'm going to be really crass here. If the Holocaust had happened to Mormons during WW2, it would have wiped them out a couple of times over. But thankfully, there were still millions of other Jews to tell the horrific tale to their children and grandchildren and make sure it never happens again. And to pass on their thousands-of-years-old heritage.
America has ten times as many people as Canada does. The numbers game means they not only have a statistically bigger talent pool, they also have more opportunities for publication and more of an audience to reach.
2. Short history. Face it. The Catholics have a few hundred years on the Mormons. This means they have not only a much larger literary tradition, but they also have a richer cultural tradition to draw from. So do the Jews, the Muslims, the Methodists...
Same with the Canadians. I think most of the American greats started to appear at the end of the 19th century and throughout the 20th. They just had more time to develop their culture. Canadians are still trying to figure out who they are (not American! We know that much, right?). I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's culture here. I'm just saying the longer you've been around, the more of it you have. And all the arts are immersed in culture.
3. Self-consciousness. Part of being a smaller culture means finding your unique place in the world around you. When you are surrounded by a larger one that's been around a lot longer, that's a challenge--to not be intimidated by the culture around you, to not let it swallow you up, to not care what it thinks of you, and to not let it take over your own. I don't necessarily think that means you have to be hostile to the bigger one (memo to Canada: the United States honestly doesn't want to invade you). I just think you have to let your culture grow. And both Mormons and Canadians worry about what everyone else thinks of them so hard that sometimes they fail to see beyond it. It's understandable. They are both overlooked and trying to get noticed. But when you're looking in the mirror or over your shoulder all the time, it's hard to see straight ahead. It's a paradox: you're trying to get attention, so everyone ignores you.

So, the question remains: Can the great Mormon novel and the great Canadian novel ever be written? My answer is: sure, but it will take a while.

Cute!