Hope it works!

My friend Sydney (see link to her author blog on the right) lent me this book. I don't think the techniques in the book work for every child. But for "easily frustrated, chronically inflexible" children like L, I think it's worth a try. To sum up: There are three baskets you put your child's behavior in. Basket A is the stuff that you will not bend on, that you're willing to endure a temper tantrum for. Usually safety falls in this category. Basket B is the stuff you're willing to talk about, so you and your child can negotiate and both be happy. And Basket C is the stuff you're just going to forget about for awhile.

The premise of the book is that children who throw fits when things don't go their way aren't purposely trying to be manipulative, difficult, bratty, etc. Just as some children walk later than others, some children develop the ability to handle frustration later than others. They know their behavior is inappropriate, but they lack the skills to express what they need, so they end up yelling, kicking, crying, etc. Consequences (rewards and punishments) usually don't work for these children because they don't have the skills to figure out that if a consequence follows a behavior once (or even twenty times), the same consequence will follow in the future.

So a parent's job is to figure out (using Basket B behaviors) how to train the child to handle frustration. You have to intervene when the child is in "vapor lock" before meltdown starts. After meltdown, reasoning with the child is impossible. When you see the first stages of vapor lock, you have to get in there quickly by empathizing. Then you take them down still further with humor, distraction, etc. Then you talk about the behavior, encouraging them to find a happy medium you can both be happy with. "You don't want to go to the grocery store right now. You want to go to the toy store. How do you think we can find a solution?"

I just finished reading, so I haven't tried out many of the ideas yet. But when I have, it's hard! It's hard not to lose your temper, not to think you have to show them who's boss, not to think you can't let them say no to you in that tone of voice. But Dr. Greene maintains that if you follow his method, meltdowns will actually decrease because the child will not get frustrated so often, and you have better control over when meltdowns actually occur.

I think Dr. Greene is right about the consequence thing. It never has worked for L. He truly can't think at all when he gets to meltdown stage. L often tells me he loses control, or that his brain makes him do things his body doesn't want him to.

So I hope it works for us. I'll let you know.

Shoot for mediocrity

I hate it when people tell mamas to stop obsessing about everything. You don't have to be a perfect mama, they say. Just do your best. My friend Diana used to have a quotation that read: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars." Not sure who said it. I asked the internet, and it doesn't know either.
I'm not shooting for the moon anymore. Not when it comes to motherhood. I don't fret about the shelf I didn't dust. I'm not really concerned about the junk in the drawer or the unorganized pantry. Nope.
I am aiming for mediocrity, and sometimes I don't even get that far. Who has time to worry about straightening their hair when some days it's a challenge to get a shower? Who has time to match their kids' clothes when they don't even remember to wash breakfast off their kids' faces? It's not that I think I have to be perfect. But decent would be good. Most days, I don't even get that far. It's kind of discouraging.
All I want is for my kids to eat, have clean clothes, and not impale themselves or choke on random household objects. But even that's too much some days, and the kids go to school with dirty clothes and very little nutrition while I scoop action figure heads from baby's mouth. So if you don't get to mediocrity, where do you end up? Just breathing, baby. At least we can still manage that.

Silly financial tips

I suppose the people who read Money magazine are more likely to be well-off than the rest of us. But even they need to save money, which is why their cover story on ways to save money made me laugh. I'm always looking for ways to trim a few bucks, so it's a good thing Money knows how to get me to cut back.
For instance, I'll have to stop shelling out the big bucks for those monthly touch-ups at the upscale hair salons. Who knew you could do it yourself for just the cost of the bottle? And the lawn guy? It's a good thing they told me to do the mowing and weeding myself. I might never have thought of that. Who needs to go to Saks when you can get designer jeans online for hundreds less? Other nuggets of wisdom include brown bagging your lunch, cutting back on your cable package, and going to the library instead of the bookstore.
Please. I think it's insulting in an economy like this one, when people are cutting back on clothes, vacations, and groceries, to tell them to give up their Caribbean cruises.
They did have one tip, however, that we're already implementing: refinancing your home. We'll be saving more than a percentage point. That's a change I think we can live with.

Baby's first spoken word

It was not mama, not daddy. It was kitty. Baby M is very fond of the cat.


We are not sure, however, that the cat returns the sentiment.

YA trends

I've been thinking about something Sara Zarr mentioned at the conference I went to recently. She was talking about religious fiction because that's what some people in our group were writing. About 85% of teens say God is important in their lives, and that's huge. Of course, religious fiction has always been around, mostly as niche fiction that only highly religious teens would be interested in reading. As for mainstream religious fiction, though, there hasn't been much. When you consider how many teens believe in God, it's strange that this population has been underserved for so long. So religious fiction is going to be a huge trend in the upcoming years.
First of all, why isn't the religious fiction that's already out there selling? I think there are a couple of reasons.
One: Teens don't want to be preached at. If there's a moral an adult is trying to shove down their throats, teens will see through that. If they want preaching, there's church. I think teens are more interested in how a religious person lives. Not how to be moral, or religious, or faithful, or even to make good choices. I'm not saying there isn't a place for that. It's called church, and plenty of teens attend. But they don't want to go to church when they read. Teens just want to know how to live. And religion is a part of that.
Two: It's got to be good. Maybe authors are intimidated by the New York culture that the publishing world is immersed in. Maybe they're afraid it won't sell. But there isn't much of it out there, and so the pickin's are slim.
I don't know if other authors feel this way, but I steer clear mostly because I think it would be so hard to write it well. I mean, how intimidating is that? To put what you believe in into print for thousands of people to scrutinize? Even the genre sounds scary to me.
Three: Another reason I am afraid of religious fiction is this: It can't be cheesy. That's even more embarrassing than preaching. Warm fuzzies that make readers cringe. It's fiction, but on some level, it had better be real. For someone who grew up listening to preaching, it's hard to translate scripture into contemporary characters. In sermons and scripture, everything but the lesson to be learned drops away. They need to be accessible to everyone. Not that there aren't subtle layers of understanding, symbolism, great dialogue, action, etc. But complex characters and ambiguity? Not so much. They usually draw straight lines of the either-or variety, but fiction is seldom that way, and when you try to create gospel-style simplicity in fiction, it falls flat.

I don't mean that creating good religious fiction is impossible. I just think the challenges are different when you start bringing in religious themes, ideas, and characters. And I'm excited to see what the next few years of religious fiction will produce.

End of an Era

It was a sad week in our household. K. learned how to climb out of the crib.
I know, I'm lucky, he's coming up on three years old. It could have happened much sooner. But so could impaling myself in the eyeballs with a dinner knife. The Lord is merciful.
This means that when he says, "I don't wanna have a nap," he will get his way. I just don't have the arm strength to carry him upstairs and throw him on the mattress so hard the springs cringe when they see him coming. Not more than ten times in a row, anyway.
So now he has become a movie baby. I used to congratulate myself on what a good mother I was for keeping him away from the TV screen so much. Sometimes, two hours would go by without a single movie. But, alas, no more. Mama has deadlines. When baby falls asleep, it's TV time for K. I'm sure he'll have his head filled with violence, sarcasm, and materialism, and he'll be incapable of entertaining himself for life, and it's all my fault. I use the TV as a babysitter, I admit it. So if he's scarred for life, blame me. 'Cause you know what? When he's busy, I can write, and that makes me happy inside.

Five days later...

I met Shannon Hale! That's right, all you jealous SH readers, she actually spoke words and addressed them to me. We as-yet unpublished authors are so not worthy. And, of course, I didn't bring my camera. Time for a Homer-style Doh! But, check it out. An autograph. There's proof for ya.

I was similarly blessed by James Dashner, Wendy Toliver, and Janette Rallison (though she wasn't there, I got her autograph the same day by coincidence). My bookcase is starting to look like the signed collection of the rich and famous. Well, published authors, anyway, which is better.

What a great event it was! Twenty or so authors, all sharing nuggets o' wisdom for us mere mortals. So inspiring. The novels languishing on my computer are so happy I went (finish me! they say). It wasn't like the authors' advice was totally new to me. But it was so fun to get to know so many more authors, not to mention entertaining. (Now we all know the meaning of the word docent.) Seriously, so many published authors sitting together in one place! We're talking (besides the aforementioned autograph signers) Anne Bowen, Sara Zarr, Kristyn Crow, Rick Walton, Brandon Mull, Brandon Sanderson, Sydney Salter, and more. I could go on all day, gush, gush, gush. What's not to love?