Why I want to be a child

Kids have it so easy. They do something wrong, they just get over it. They don't waste time stewing about whether or not it was their fault or how if they could have just done something differently, things might have turned out better. Say they hit their siblings. No problem. They mutter an insincere apology and 0.3 seconds later, it's forgotten. Say they don't wear their underwear to school. Why get worked up about it? Say they forget to turn off the water in the bathroom and cause a major flood leading to all kinds of damage to multiple rooms in the house (this is purely hypothetical, of course).



See the four hypothetical industrial-size fans hanging out, not in the theoretical bathroom upstairs, but directly underneath it? I couldn't get them all in the camera's view. There are actually five, if you don't count the dehumidifier. That makes six. That's only downstairs. There are some more monster-truck sized fans in the bathroom.
So repairing this damage is going to take a while. We won't know for sure what repairs are needed until Monday. But does mere money and inconvenience bother a child? Does it cause him remorse?
Not in the slightest! That's why I want his gig. Maybe I'll let my children run around naked all day (whoops, too late for that). Dinner? Who needs it? Being nice to my kids--why bother? I'm not going to let this guilt stuff interfere with my life anymore.
Because the next thing on my list might be killing children who leave faucets running.